I Wonder What Happened to Ferris Bueller

I wonder what happened
to Ferris Bueller
after his day off?

Did he pull more amazing stunts
until the end of his days
or did he get crushed
by the monotonous routines
of adult life?

Maybe he works at the Post Office
but hangs out smoking dope
with "Shaggy" (from Scooby Doo)
at night
and they talk for hours
about the good old days
when the kids were always right.

Maybe he got real fat
and loves bowling.

Maybe he doesn't give a fuck.

Maybe he's in a ditch somewhere
right now,
moaning, wishing for
the techni-color days
of high school to return.

Maybe he's dead
or a political activist
or both
or a vegetarian
or a card-carrying NRA member.

Who knows?


-Jim DuBois
July 15, 2000

Spiderman Retires

I.

Spiderman retires
and takes up
watercolor painting
in the countryside
because he gets so tired
of all those tear-jerking moments
where his friend,
who was his enemy for a while,
dies after fighting off
the real bad guy,
who probably wasn't bad,
just misguided.


II.

Gandalf goes to therapy
and starts to realize
that the shadow of the past
is only a shadow,
and a ring is only a ring,
and even though he wishes
for a dramatic solution
to soothe his dark memories,
he starts to understand
that the best thing he could do
is live in the present,
and save Frodo and the other hobbits
a whole lot of trouble.


III.

Young Bruce Wayne
never becomes Batman
because some helpful social worker
realizes that Bruce just needs
to cry and cry
about his parent's death,
and explains that all his
dark fantasies of revenge
can never bring back
mom and dad.
Instead of growing up
to be a costumed vigilante,
Bruce becomes an artist.


-Jim DuBois