and to prepare

I went out
to where the
old gods
could still hear me,
and I
left your name
with them.

Then I
burned down the world
to save you
from yourself,
to purify myself,
and to
prepare for battle.


-Jim DuBois
March 1, 2012

The Fire

"I finally got my wish."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You know how I wished
my house would burn down
and then I wouldn't
have to worry
about all the crap
I've been collecting
and feel trapped by?
Well, it just happened."

It was just
your defensive humor
and good attempt
to handle a shock,
because really,
it sucked
and who knows
what to do
in reaction
to these things?

We talked some more
and I decided
I would raise some money
for you over the internet,
which I had never tried before,
but it worked out
that I raised $2500
in a few days
and the whole thing
popped me out of
my sense of powerlessness
and made me see myself
in a fresh light
and made me grateful
for the chance
to come to your aid
because I think
we're all really heroes
on the inside,
waiting for a chance
to do good,
to change a part
of the world
for the better
and I'm glad
I saw this chance
and took it.


-Jim DuBois
Jan 28, 2014, written about an event that took place in December 2012.

There was that time

There was that time
we decided
to camp
up on Bare mountain,
to sneak off the path
and set up camp,

But we didn't know
how to make
a good fire,
so the smoke
kept stinging
our eyes
all night long,

But we weren't sleeping
anyway
because the sound
of the chipmunks
scurrying around
scared us,
as did the thought
of bears.

I tried counting
backwards from 500
to get to sleep,
but kept forgetting
what number I was on
and it didn't work.

We maybe slept an hour
that night
and when I got up,
you were not around
so I went looking
up the trail
and there you were.

We had forgotten
to bring water
but we walked about
3 hours anyway,
drank at the park,
And walked 3 hours back.

All along
our hike,
we kept seeing
all these
different frogs.
They kept
magically appearing,
in the trail,
in the swamps and trees.

Then we settled down
for another horrible night,
But after an hour,
we had the good sense
to give up,
pack up in the dark
and hike down
the mountainside
in the pitch black night.

We slept so well
at my apartment
and were happier,
but I still miss
those magic frogs.


-Jim DuBois
August 14, 2013

Emergencies

I was so wrapped up
in taking care of you,
in protecting you
from real
and dramatized threats,
that now that you're
not around,
everytime I see
a firetruck,
hear about a car crash,
etc,
I worry and wonder
about what's happening
to you.
If I get a call
from an unknown number
I think
it must be you,
calling for me
to come get you
from some
disaster,
or terrible relationship.


-Jim DuBois
July 15, 2012

The Inertia of Familiar Things

The inertia of familiar things
The inertia of familiar places
The inertia of familiar people

The orbits we live in
The places we stay at rest
The places we stay dormant

Dormant potential energy

The bonds we don't break
The escape velocity we usually never reach
The bubbles we live inside

The ruts we travel along
Those familiar grooves
Those familiar moves

The energy trapped in neural pathways
The memories we always revisit
The moments we repeat through time

The things we always say
The habits we learned long ago
The roads we take without thinking

Repetitive habitual energy

Time for something new

Some unfamiliar territory
Some awkward things to say
Some unpracticed words

Things we don't know how to do
Places we haven't been
Broken bonds, released energy

Dynamite in the foundation
Rocket fuel in the boosters
Fire in the neurons

A new day
A new life
New time

Now


-Jim DuBois
May 7, 2012

because you told me

I woke up
as a bad-ass madman poet,
stalking downtown,
daring you to cross me,
to try to fuck me over,
because you told me to "break"
and what you don't know is
I never will,
but then I felt
a horrible desperate loneliness,
injected behind my eyes like fire,
melting my neurons together,
seizing my limbs,
and it was a feeling the night couldn't cure
and fucking can only hold at bay
and fucking and fucking and fucking
can only hold at bay.


-Jim DuBois
12/11/08

Back in the Kingdom of Me (Dec 13, 2008)

Back in the kingdom of me,
the dust has gathered on the floor
and birds nest in the high tower,
but I have finally returned,
so I light a new fire in the hearth,
clean up a little,
and look out at the land
I have missed for so long.


-Jim DuBois

And Love is Like (May 11, 2005)

Love is like
    a demon loan officer
    possessing and re-possessing
        my heart,
    demanding timely payments
        of imagination and memory,
    held at bay
        only by obscure signs
            of blood and fire.

And love is like
    a lion you find unexpectedly
    in your home.
You fling scraps of poetry-covered paper
    at it in a wild despair,
    hoping
        it will be delayed long enough
            for you to escape out the
                window.

Love is like a tornado,
    scattering your carefully arranged loneliness.

Love is your shadow.


-Jim DuBois

It Doesn't Turn Out Like in the Movies (Feb 25, 2005)

There's that face in the crowd,
a random person in a sea of strangers,
that sets your heart on fire,
and it doesn't turn out like in the movies,
because you never meet them,
and your struggle to tell them you love them
never gets resolved, one way or another.
You just go on seeing them every once in a while,
heart-aching, trying not to let on, trying not to care,
wondering why it seems to matter to begin with,
but not understanding how you can do nothing,
or how you could do anything, anyway.


-Jim DuBois