I've Been Struggling Lately

Sitting at the Roost
in the middle of the day
feels so desolate,
but much less than
sitting on a stone stoop
on market street,
wishing for friends.

But then I glanced
at someone's laptop
and discovered they
were playing
Settlers of Catan online
and realized they were killing time too,
faking activity,
distracting themselves from desolation,
and it made me a little happier.

(Because I usually imagine
that everyone else
has lots of friends
and deep meaningful lives
and that I,
somehow,
was the only one who got screwed
out of those things)

And I won't let myself
end on that note,
because I have meaning in my life,
it's just that
I've been struggling lately,
like all humans
sometimes do.


-Jim DuBois
March 30, 2011

Two Old Men After a Funeral

1.

Two old men,
patriarchs of their families,
leaning against the porch rail
after a funeral
- they thank me
for all the work
I have done
to take care of
their daughter and grandson.

I am caught off-guard
by my emotions.

I search for a reply,
then say,
"I felt it was important."

One of them replies,
"It was...
  it is."

And I carry on.



2.

Two old men
after a funeral
remind me
that to care and to love
are important.

Two old men
after a funeral
pass down
ancient primate wisdom
and responsibilities.



-Jim DuBois
September 8, 2010

The Roost - #3

They're playing Madonna
at The Roost,
and I'm writing
and waiting for Phil.


-Jim
March 12, 2011

The Roost - #2

Sitting at The Roost,
wearing a spandex shirt
I inherited from
a fairly recently deceased friend.

It's too short,
and when I reach,
I worry
everyone will see
my underwear.


-Jim
March 12, 2011

The Roost - #1

Sitting at the Roost,
pretending to be an intellectual,
or at least to be busy,
by writing thoughts in my notebook.

Sitting at the Roost,
wishing for more friends,
or at least for closer ones,
hoping to engage a human via technology.

Sitting at the Roost,
in the corner,
on the couch,
drinking tea
and writing,
to kill time,
or at least to try and enjoy it.


-Jim
March 12, 2011

not trying

This is me
This is me not trying

I'm bored
    and directionless

But the rain
                    sounds pretty



-Jim
March 10, 2011

mediocre

WHy keep on
    with the mediocre?

    Like this pen.

I feel like I shouldn't
    waste things.

Which isn't a bad idea,
    but if it is applied
    too rigidly and keeps you
    in a rut,
  isn't so helpful.


-Jim
Dec 17, 2010