Lying

When we were 7 or 8,
we used to piss
off the stone wall
by the street.

Jeff's father
asked him
if we did.

Jeff said no.
His father said
"that's called lying."

After that, we'd say
"I have to lie"
and go piss
off the wall.


-Jim DuBois
April 19, 2005

Wading Through Time

Wading through time
    like drunken soldiers,
killing time
    wasting time,
    like totally wasting it, man

Like some kind of
        Lazy heroes


-Jim DuBois
2004?

Bulldozing my Childhood

They are bulldozing my childhood,
burying my memories
under the foundations
of another new subdivision,
quietly making a buck,
and severing some nasty roots
to make way
for another american dream.


-Jim DuBois
1999?

First Love (running through the snow)

All we really had were those shining moments,
    sleeping together
        under the grey wings
            of winter,

Running through the snow
    beneath the sheltering sky
        between long dreams
            and desires for which we
                had no voice.


-Jim DuBois
Summer 1997

What Was Revealed

Like someone turning up the volume
    when you didn't know the music was playing

Like scattering clouds from
    the face of the sun

Like a thousand folded days
    stuffed into fragile boxes
    and thrown to the wind,
        blooming like instant flowers
            wherever they land,
        growing like vines
            that hold the world together.


-Jim DuBois
April 21, 2004

Say Something!

Many years ago now,
I had this unbearable
crush on a librarian
at the Forbes library.

It was the kind of crush
that left me
unable to talk
in her presence.

I would go by
every few days
and get out books
just to see if she
was there,
and invariably,
if she was,
utter a timid thanks
and leave.

It was so unbearable
that I resolved one day
to say something
next time,
no matter what.

(Now, I must tell you
that I have made
resolutions of that nature
before
and they usually don't work
- one time I had resolved
to say something
to a woman I kept seeing
on the sidewalks downtown
and the pressure built up
so much
that I
jumped behind a tree
to hide
the next time
I saw her coming.)

So, I go to the library
and my crush is there.

She takes my book
to check it out
and I am saying
(in my head,)
"Do it! Say something!
Now is the chance!
Seize the day!
You never know what will happen!"
but I'm feeling like
it will be very awkward.

This battle continues
for a bit
as I stare down
at my library card
in my hands.

Then I look up,
and say (out loud),
"My library card
is made out of paper!"

There is this brief
yet horrifying pause
and then she says,
sounding eager to talk to me,
"Oh yes, and now,
you can get plastic ones!"

And that was
real progress for me.

I planned to follow it up
on other days,
with equally chatty statements,
but unfortunately,
that was the last time
I ever saw her.


-Jim DuBois
August 24, 2011

After the Funeral

After the funeral,
there was nothing to say
which was not awkward,
nothing to say
which did not seem cliche,
but I kept trying anyway.

I talked to the father
of the deceased man.
I said things like
"It's very sad."
We didn't look at each other
and he said something like,
"I feel terrible,
especially for my grandson,"
and looked up at the trees
and shed some tears.
A half minute later,
he said something like,
"but we've got to get on with life,
and try to help the people
left behind."

I figured out that that moment
between us, however awkward,
however brief,
was important
because it was about caring,
and that what I said
didn't matter as much
as that I cared.

So, when the parents
of the deceased were leaving,
I went up to the mother,
and took her hand
and looked her in the eye
and said as warmly
as I have probably ever
said anything,
"take care."


-Jim DuBois
July 28, 2011