Our Ideas About Death

I.

Right after
your father died
you used to talk to me
in the middle of the night
about your ideas
about death,
how maybe you would
dig a hole in the ground
and find Daddy
or how it scared you
that they might
put you and Mama
in different holes in the ground
when you died,
and you would be
very lonely then,
or how you wanted
to die together with Mama
on the same day,
because you always wanted
to be with her,
and it was sweet
and horrible
all together for me.

I had to be
an adult
and reassure you
that you and Mama
would live a long time,
but that it
was still sad
that Daddy died.

I remember you saying to me,
"I never thought
you would die, Jim,"
and it was chilling
to think of you
imagining my death,
to see you face death
so early.

I also remember
after one of these conversations
at the lake house,
you getting up
and saying,
"Let's never die!"
and jumping around eagerly
on the bed,
and I thought
that was
a damn fine response.



II.

Even though I reassured you
about death, and
was happy to help,
I don't really understand it
or like it myself.

I think of it as
a cruel robbery
that breaks hearts
that changes lives' courses
that makes days grimmer,
and I would undo it,
I would stop it,
if I could.

I don't understand
why we are here,
or why we die
-- it does seem cruel --
but despite that,
the chance to meet you
and love you
was worth it.


-Jim DuBois
Nov 30, 2011

Nice Knowin' Ya

Every time
someone tells me
that they
are getting married,
or even more
when they
are having a kid,
I genuinely
feel like saying,
"It was nice knowin' ya!"
and rolling my eyes,
because I think
people have no idea
what they are in for,
and it would be better
to warn them,
in a perfect world,
but I know it's not nice,
so I eke out an,
"Oh, uh... congratulations,"
instead,
and throw in a sincere
"Good luck,"
on the way out.


-Jim DuBois
Jan 6, 2012

Here and Now

Here and now,
greater than any
fame or fortune
greater than any
achievement.


-Jim DuBois
Jan 1, 2012

Modern Talisman

There's a book
I keep by the side of my bed.

I got it
at the estate sale
of a woman who had lived
to be one hundred and three
(and still had all her teeth,
said the daughter).

It's called "Forever Young,"
a thin book
about
ways to stay healthy
and live longer.

I flipped through it
and noticed
starred passages
and underlining.

I purchased it
for a quarter.

On the surface,
I pretend I will read it
one day
and learn its amazing secrets.

But really,
it's a talisman
from a powerful wizard
and I'm keeping it
for its arcane
magical powers
to extend my life.


-Jim DuBois
Dec 28, 2011

About D--th

About D--th
(whose name is so evil
I will never say it):
It is a robbery of what is most precious: [life]

No true God condones d--th
with fairy tale stories of heaven.

No religion that says you get another life
(which only pacifies you into accepting the BS of d--th,
never gives you another life)
is hopeful.

F--k the d--th penalty!
Everyone who thinks it is a good thing
is seriously deluded.
How can we steal like that?

But murderers? F them too!
and warmongers
and greedy killer capitalists
and anti-environmentalists
and racists
and everyone who profits off of war
F F F them.

Don't think I will go quietly.
If it comes down to it,
I'll use my last breath to say,
"This is robbery! Scr-w the cruel god that made it this way. And F the random universe, too."

There is only life,
whose name I will say
over and over:
Life! Life! Life!

I want to keep it,
to promote that it is the most important thing we have,
and strive to preserve it.


-Jim DuBois
August 24, 2010

because you told me

I woke up
as a bad-ass madman poet,
stalking downtown,
daring you to cross me,
to try to fuck me over,
because you told me to "break"
and what you don't know is
I never will,
but then I felt
a horrible desperate loneliness,
injected behind my eyes like fire,
melting my neurons together,
seizing my limbs,
and it was a feeling the night couldn't cure
and fucking can only hold at bay
and fucking and fucking and fucking
can only hold at bay.


-Jim DuBois
12/11/08

Already

The time
          is already
                wasted

The dream
          is already
                gone


-Jim DuBois
2001?