Gandalf Gets Married

In a basement somewhere...

"A great evil
is rising again
in the south,
and we must..."

"Gandalf!
Did you take out
the garbage yet?!"

"The garbage
must wait!
There is a
great evil..."

"Great evil?!
Are your
little friends
visiting again?
The hairy ones?"

"They're called Hobbits!
And they're our
only hope!"

"Yeah, yeah.
Just take out
the damn garbage.
Evil can wait."

"Ok... Fine!...
Sorry Frodo,
I've got to go.
Maybe we could
get together
another day.
If I don't take
the garbage out
I won't get
any pussy
tonight!"


-Jim DuBois
July 6, 2012

Spiderman Retires

I.

Spiderman retires
and takes up
watercolor painting
in the countryside
because he gets so tired
of all those tear-jerking moments
where his friend,
who was his enemy for a while,
dies after fighting off
the real bad guy,
who probably wasn't bad,
just misguided.


II.

Gandalf goes to therapy
and starts to realize
that the shadow of the past
is only a shadow,
and a ring is only a ring,
and even though he wishes
for a dramatic solution
to soothe his dark memories,
he starts to understand
that the best thing he could do
is live in the present,
and save Frodo and the other hobbits
a whole lot of trouble.


III.

Young Bruce Wayne
never becomes Batman
because some helpful social worker
realizes that Bruce just needs
to cry and cry
about his parent's death,
and explains that all his
dark fantasies of revenge
can never bring back
mom and dad.
Instead of growing up
to be a costumed vigilante,
Bruce becomes an artist.


-Jim DuBois