I've Been Struggling Lately

Sitting at the Roost
in the middle of the day
feels so desolate,
but much less than
sitting on a stone stoop
on market street,
wishing for friends.

But then I glanced
at someone's laptop
and discovered they
were playing
Settlers of Catan online
and realized they were killing time too,
faking activity,
distracting themselves from desolation,
and it made me a little happier.

(Because I usually imagine
that everyone else
has lots of friends
and deep meaningful lives
and that I,
somehow,
was the only one who got screwed
out of those things)

And I won't let myself
end on that note,
because I have meaning in my life,
it's just that
I've been struggling lately,
like all humans
sometimes do.


-Jim DuBois
March 30, 2011